Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
