youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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