I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
