I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize