The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
