Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
