Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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