so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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