Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
