I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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