I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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