ugly people sure do ruin things
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
