its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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