fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
