There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
