did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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