I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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