Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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