mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
