I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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