he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
