Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
