I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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