there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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