he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
