I think i peed on brittanys purse
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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