she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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