update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
