but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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