If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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