Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
