VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
