i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
