me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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