she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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