I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
