you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
