im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
