the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
BRING THE BAGELS
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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