Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
