we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
