I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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