i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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