I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
