I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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