Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
