we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
