She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
