haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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