If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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