Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
