i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
