I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
