Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
