Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
