I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
