SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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