As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize