Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
