Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
