I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
