people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
