Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
