last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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