ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
