I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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