This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
