Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
