Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
