wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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