I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
