My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
