at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
