We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
birth control should be required to get into college
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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